After my experience with the body shaming asshole the week previous, I'm not sure what compelled me to return to Burger King on Monday. The allure of the Whopper is too strong, apparently. Mayonnaise, cheese, tomatoes, onions, imitation smoke flavor... I give no fucks about the health content of it. It tastes good. That's my sole qualifier for a "good" lunch.
I was delighted to walk in to an empty dining room. I had to reserve doing my best Julie Andrews impression, spinning fancifully about the space with imagined petticoats. Any table? All of them are clean and available? This is was an orgasm of a lunch. I was entirely too happy for such a minor coincidence, but as noted in the previous installation, I'll take all the wins I can get on a Monday.
I was conservative, choosing a two-top and sitting on the bench side. I waited for my number to be called and dozed off into my phone. A few people trickled in, but I kept hearing "to go" as the preferred service method, so my happiness remained.
"For here," a deep voice answered. My eyes shot up. C'mon, dude. Let me have this entire Burger King my way. Let me burger queen and reign over this particular location for a hot second. I grabbed my food after they summoned me, and returned to my spot. I unwrapped my burger and spread my fries, preparing them for a salt shower.
The man plopped down at the table next to mine, on the bench side. I about fucking gagged when his stench plumed off him, sitting down with a gruff grumble. The aroma contained cigarettes, cologne lacquered on with the intent of hiding the lack of a recent shower, and vodka. It was so overwhelming that I actually waited to start on my burger until I could adjust to the smell. I considered moving, but I thought it would be too rude.
Then again, was he not rude as fuck for seeing a dining room that was empty besides one damn person and sitting next to that person? I mean, just from a pure logical standpoint, did you really think that was gonna work out? Yes, please violate my space as a means of trying to attract me. Next time, make eyes at me from across the room. Much easier to turn you down if I don't have to engage with you beyond that.
I really dove into my phone, subtly scooting to the far edge of the table to create extra space. Chuckling at some posts from friends, I noticed he'd try to look over at my screen every time I seemed amused. It was annoying as shit. I finally shot him a dirty look, but he seemed oblivious.
"You're real cute," he said, offering a crooked smile.
I'm learning a bit of American Sign Language as part of being a preschool teacher, so I signed: thank you, horse, the letter 'J', the letter 'B', happy, and listen in response. I'm running out of ways to evade men. I thought a wedding ring was a good enough symbol of my universal "nah, bruh", but evidently not.
He looked disappointed. "You're deaf?"
"Mmm hmmm," I responded, going back to my phone. I tried not to cringe at the fact that I'd just answered a question he spoke, but then again, he didn't seem to catch on anyway. He shimmied over to the far side of his table too. I ate quickly, hoping he wouldn't see that I was on foot and follow me back to work.
All this for a sandwich.
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